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Denial of access to fathers among worst forms of child abuse

By Sherlock Small

February 28, 2007, The Barbados Advocate (BAR)---There is little mention, but an insidious form of child abuse present in Barbadian society that involves denying children the opportunity to access and develop relationships with their fathers.

This assertion came from the Chairman of the Men's Educational Support Association (MESA), Ralph Boyce, as he spoke to fathers attending a Parent Teachers Association meeting of the Eden Lodge Nursery School recently. Boyce said, rather than emphasise the need for strong families, the tendency was to promote a tug-of-war between women and men, fathers and mothers, a war where the rights and well-being of the child seem to be no longer the issue.

"One of the most insidious kinds of child abuse, not often mentioned publicly, is that in which young children are denied access to their parents, mainly fathers. The psychological effects are more lasting than some other forms of abuse," Boyce stated.

The MESA Chairman added that his organisation is only too well aware of these problems. "MESA has had many complaints about mothers refusing to let children even speak to their fathers on the telephone. In some cases where there is a court order, many devices are used to deny access, for example, children are not at home at the time arranged to meet. MESA is not aware of any cases of mothers cited for contempt of court or imprisoned as a result, as with cases of many men," Boyce said.

Pointing to changes in the traditional family structure, he asserted that the roles of both father and mother have changed. This major change resulted from the fact that most of the time today, both parents are working.

Noting that it is much more common nowadays to see fathers taking the lead in care-giving with regards to their children, Boyce said nonetheless society remained matrifocal in outlook, and men could often only access their children via the mother.

The advocate for men's issues quoted from Professor Christine Barrow of the Cave Hill Campus of the University of the West Indies, as she spoke to the national consultation on societal issues in Barbados in November, last year: "One of the most remarkable and most positive changes in family life in the last generation or so, is the redefinition of fatherhood and the actual practice of fathering. Today, our understanding of what it is to be a good father has changed dramatically from the days when putting money on the table on a Friday night and administering heavy-handed discipline to children was enough. Today's fathers must be nurturing and caring."

Boyce, however, noted that priority was still being given to motherhood. "[People] still believe that mothers are more important than fathers in the lives of their children. It is still mothers that do the sacrificing, and that put their lives on hold for their children. This, despite the fact that Barbados and all other Caribbean countries joined the rush to sign and ratify the Convention on the Rights of the Child, that in Article 18 identifies 'both parents' as having common responsibilities," Boyce stated.